Maybe one day I'll be gone.
I feel slighted somehow.
I hate the feeling of being blamed for stuff that really got nothing to do with you,
And yet people assumes that you're the culprit just because you made the same mistake once.
What is that supposed to show?
That a person will always make the same mistake twice?
I hate myself for my clumsiness
And blurness too.
How I always do stuff that ends up getting people into more trouble is totally beyond my realm of understanding.
I can never seem to do anything right.
It's really getting to me.
I really wonder if I'm brainless.
How do I make such mistakes that people won't even imagine will make?
I can only stand there and look while people clear up my mess
Unable to do anything lest I make things
even worse.
And yet I cannot just walk away and pretend I didn't do anything.
I really don't know what I can do.
Things get so bad that I'm actually starting to despise myself.
How happy is this?
Times when I really gets shit,
Reprimands of stuff that I don't even bother to explain,
Knowing all I'll succeed is making myself look as if I'm finding excuses to defend myself.
Dealing with unreasonable people,
Knowing you cannot argue with them
Or rather, don't bother to in case you make the situation uneasy for both.
I really don't know how or who to tell.
I cannot resolve anything and it all just gets so frustrating.
Why am I even bothering to do such stuff?
Why don't I just go away and let everything happens as it does.
I'm losing all the confidence and esteem I've gained.
I need someone to chase it all back for me.
But even
I'm losing faith with myself.
I need to talk to someone.
I don't know who.
All my troubles seem so trivial.
And yet it's all pent up in me that I need to vent it all out.
It's all so heavy in my heart.
I don't even know how to show it.
What do I do?
MAybe talking to myself will help.
Maybe He'll hear me.
Maybe I'll go up there quicker and i won't have to think anymore.
No one will tell me that I'm so brainless
No one will trample on another's self esteem.
No one will make me feel so slighted.
No one will think I cannot do anything again.
By then,
Only He'll be judging me.
On my sins,
Not my flaws.
And
that'll be paradise.
I don't know how much longer I can bear this.
I need a pillar of strength and support.
Can you tell me where it is?
